Monday, October 10, 2005
A Weekend Ending in Mosquito
I couldn’t be more tired today. I think all of that bitching and moaning I did last week took every bit of energy out of me. I took a nap during my lunch break today and I swear, when my alarm went off, I pulled out of a literal coma. The year had changed and my hair and fingernails had grown down to the floor. But unfortunately, I still had my job, so I had to come back to my desk and deal with people who’ve waited until the VERY last minute to get their tickets for the High Holidays. I mean, COME ON people. Did you need me to bang on your door to personally hand you a ticket? Sheesh.
This weekend I spent some time getting my shit back together. I hung out with my friend Kelly for a while on Friday and then spent some time playing cards with my brother online. Since he moved back to the states, we’ve spent many hours playing hearts and spades and our newest obsession, Texas Hold’em. It’s SO nice to finally have him back in my life on a daily basis. Well, at least for now. He’s proposing to his girlfriend this weekend when he visits NYC. So, I’m very glad to have my brother back in the states, but I’m also “glad” to have his girlfriend/fiancé back in the states as well. Ay yi mother fucking yi.
Last night I’m lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when all of a sudden my arm starts itching. I scratch the fuck out of it and suddenly these welts appear on my arm. I immediately jump out of bed and flip on the light. Paul is laying there next to me and he’s like “WTF are you doing”? I explain that something is feasting on my arms and Paul is like “Impossible! It’s probably your dirty body pillow. You should get rid of that thing right away”. I started to imagine tons of bugs running throughout the pillow, so I immediately got up and threw it in the huge garbage bin on our floor.
Relieved that I got rid of my dirty bug pillow, I got back in bed and settled in for sleep. Ten minutes later and a huge welt appears on my face. FURY filled my eyes as I jumped out of bed and flipped the light on again. “It’s not my ‘dirty body pillow'"!, I screamed to Drew. “Something is biting my face off now!” I show him all of the bites on my half naked body and he gasps. “What is going on?!?” he offers.
I immediately jump on top of the bed and begin scouring the wall for what I know is a mosquito of doom. I stared at the wall for minutes on top of minutes on top of minutes. Suddenly I found that little bastard staring at me with his beady little eyes. I began jumping around the bed in my boxers slapping my hand against the wall. He repeatedly flew away and I got increasingly more pissed off. Eventually I screamed “I HATE YOU FUCKING MOSQUITO!”
As though I was in Kung Fu Hustle and possessed the “Lion’s Roar”, the mosquito came to a halt right in front of my face – totally petrified from my screams.
SMACK!
Blood went everywhere. My blood.
And I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Fucking dumb mother fucking mosquito.
Paul stared at me as though I was a complete lunatic. I smiled, turned the lights off and climbed back into bed. Not saying anotherr word.
And that is the biggest story I have to share with you today.
Don’t you hate mosquitoes?
I couldn’t be more tired today. I think all of that bitching and moaning I did last week took every bit of energy out of me. I took a nap during my lunch break today and I swear, when my alarm went off, I pulled out of a literal coma. The year had changed and my hair and fingernails had grown down to the floor. But unfortunately, I still had my job, so I had to come back to my desk and deal with people who’ve waited until the VERY last minute to get their tickets for the High Holidays. I mean, COME ON people. Did you need me to bang on your door to personally hand you a ticket? Sheesh.
This weekend I spent some time getting my shit back together. I hung out with my friend Kelly for a while on Friday and then spent some time playing cards with my brother online. Since he moved back to the states, we’ve spent many hours playing hearts and spades and our newest obsession, Texas Hold’em. It’s SO nice to finally have him back in my life on a daily basis. Well, at least for now. He’s proposing to his girlfriend this weekend when he visits NYC. So, I’m very glad to have my brother back in the states, but I’m also “glad” to have his girlfriend/fiancé back in the states as well. Ay yi mother fucking yi.
Last night I’m lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when all of a sudden my arm starts itching. I scratch the fuck out of it and suddenly these welts appear on my arm. I immediately jump out of bed and flip on the light. Paul is laying there next to me and he’s like “WTF are you doing”? I explain that something is feasting on my arms and Paul is like “Impossible! It’s probably your dirty body pillow. You should get rid of that thing right away”. I started to imagine tons of bugs running throughout the pillow, so I immediately got up and threw it in the huge garbage bin on our floor.
Relieved that I got rid of my dirty bug pillow, I got back in bed and settled in for sleep. Ten minutes later and a huge welt appears on my face. FURY filled my eyes as I jumped out of bed and flipped the light on again. “It’s not my ‘dirty body pillow'"!, I screamed to Drew. “Something is biting my face off now!” I show him all of the bites on my half naked body and he gasps. “What is going on?!?” he offers.
I immediately jump on top of the bed and begin scouring the wall for what I know is a mosquito of doom. I stared at the wall for minutes on top of minutes on top of minutes. Suddenly I found that little bastard staring at me with his beady little eyes. I began jumping around the bed in my boxers slapping my hand against the wall. He repeatedly flew away and I got increasingly more pissed off. Eventually I screamed “I HATE YOU FUCKING MOSQUITO!”
As though I was in Kung Fu Hustle and possessed the “Lion’s Roar”, the mosquito came to a halt right in front of my face – totally petrified from my screams.
SMACK!
Blood went everywhere. My blood.
And I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Fucking dumb mother fucking mosquito.
Paul stared at me as though I was a complete lunatic. I smiled, turned the lights off and climbed back into bed. Not saying anotherr word.
And that is the biggest story I have to share with you today.
Don’t you hate mosquitoes?
